blabber

As I sit here in a coffee shop and wonder about life. I watch around me the people and interactions they have. I have to question the guy that works here, he is so happy and full of life and to every person he serves a drink to they smile and laugh. He brings such happiness to strangers faces with his spunk and style of serving coffees. I wonder if he knows our great God? People like him make me smile, to know that throughout the day that a random stranger behind a counter can make you smile from his random personality of smiles and love he has as he serves coffee. A true servants heart. I know of another lady at a café at school. I delight in her personality. Each time I buy something from the café. She smiles and is happy every time, I can’t think of any time I didn’t go in that she was rude or unhappy. She is such a joy to talk to and you can tell she really cares and loves life. I wonder what is under the surface for her. If underneath her smiles if there is hurt? What is her life like? I couldn’t imagine it being bad but people these days are so good at hiding behind their smiles. I am one of those people that with my personality I can easily suppress things and choose to fill the void in life with laughter and happiness that can sometimes be a show so people can’t see my hurt. Why is it that we are so scared to be vulnerable sometimes?

I think because when we are truly vulnerable we feel naked. We feel that we are exposed and it is scary. We wonder if people really knew our deepest things that we would not be accepted or that we would be treated or looked at differently. I also think that if at those moments of vulnerability the person or people you are vulnerable with, if they shut you down or you open up and they leave you with your words; you develop this unconsciousness to not reveal what your really thinking because of that one time you were shut down when you were open and raw with people.

My heart goes out to you.

I know the pain of opening up and feeling left to dry out. I know the feeling of not wanting to open up again because of fear of hurt or not being loved. I encourage you to open up and be able to love and say what you want to say without having to be loved back. To bring the meaning of vulnerable to a whole different level. To break free from it to find freedom. For God to be that comfort in time of feeling alone and not heard.

I won’t lie, I still struggle with being vulnerable.I am learning things about that myself that I am noticing to be careful of. Not because they are horrible but because I focus so much on others that I sometimes forget me. I'm too afraid of hurting others. I like to carry their burdens for them and be that shoulder to lean on. To be honest I could go for a while without thinking about me because I love people and I love loving on them. I’m a people pleaser. I love pleasing people and not letting people down. I love making people happy when they are sad and reaching out to the broken hearted. Often times I find it easier to reach out to those that are strangers and show them love than my own family. I’m not sure if that is because there is hurt around family. Also the whole issue of vulnerability scares me. I’m not sure but I know that I’m continually working on breaking free from vulnerability.

My definition of Vulnerable:

To be able to love and not be loved back

this is truely an awesome read if you have the time CLICK :)

some words that are inspiring I have come across:

*glory in God rather than in people.

* A believer’s greatest strength is focus, dependence and faith in the Lord, but this is also his greatest place of vulnerability.

*Defeat will always follow Victory!

*1 Corinthians 10:12 So let the one who thinks he is standing be careful that he does not fall.

Much Love,
Liv