confusion is so often my middle name.

im in another thinking mode tonight.

so here it goes..

pray..how often do we forget the significance of it.

i know i do...so often.

for instance...thoughts for next year are getting to me...where should i be?

where does God want me?

I know i should be praying diligently but i am finding it so hard to get to the point of actually praying and surrendering school. Why is it so hard to surrender things?

I feel as though i am being so stubborn lately. Not wanting to give up things to God ...things that are on my heart that i know i should be asking to him in prayer...and i do but not diligently. It more when i remember....maybe i am not giving myself enough credit?...i mean i pray each night i go to bed and i pray throughout the day but maybe i think im feeling as though im not praying specifically for what i actually want to seek answers and guidance for.

man oh man.

confusion is so often my middle name.

I was talking to a friend not too long ago and he came to the conclusion that he thought God does not give us answers all the time because he wants us to hope and probe it and trust in him! It was something along those lines and it really hit me and i thought hmm that is a very very good thought lol!

mmmmm

so where to go from here...

which door to open next?

that is the journey i am on

opening doors and testing them...probing it...

we are constantly on a journey in life

we need not forget that God wants to be apart of it!

mmm

so i leave you with this

will you surrender your worries to God?

I am on that journey and am seeking his will for my life

I know that i will only be satisfied in serving him and doing what he wants for my life

dased and confused

-Alivia

Unsettled/Unsatisfied/Wondering/Walking/Desiring...

such a different life I am living from being in Kaleo this time last year to being in a secular college this year. Not a bad life but very different in the daily things I do and different people and surroundings. When I first came back from BC back to ontario I had major culture shock for a few weeks and still am adjusting. I found myself not fitting in and not satisfied with the things in this world and what the world says you have to do to "be happy". I still am frustrated with things and am searching for answers. Searching for answers to tell people that are seeking to know something greater than just worldly things. I constanlty have been stumped the past months with questions people raise about Jesus and "christianity". I have been careful on using the word christian. Not because I am ashamed of it..not at all! But because there is so many mis understandings about this word. People have said they are a christian and represent Christ in such a horrible way. They are no different and are not set apart from the world at all. It saddens me to see that they are mis representing Jesus.
On another note the question that has stumped me so much is...when people say

"I believe that everyone has there own gods they are happy with and the end."
or
"I beleive that there is a God who governs all religions"

now that 2nd one is illogical because so many religions are so different but the first statement does raise a lot of questions.
where is fulfillment in that statement. How does everyone have their own gods? How is someone content in saying that? How did this world come to be if there are many gods? Are they all connected? How can they all be connected if there are so many different aspects to all these different religions the world has going on and even new religions are popping up.
I just don't get it. I don't know how to say my God is the REAL God who died for you and me for our sins!
I know so much in my heart this is true but I seem lost for the words to describe to people. It's not as easy as I would like it to be. Not that I was expecting it to be easy but I just feel like I don't have the words to say. Or enough "proof" as one might say?

UGH. I am just frustrated with finding the right words to say. Are there the right words? Actually bam there you go right words to say and than the person realizes or maybe starts to see a little the truth?
Someone says "I believe In God"...what does that actually mean? Today that can mean so much in the world we live in.
Believing in God is more than just believing! It is actually having this incredible relationship with a creator that created the world and me and you and gave us free will. Believing is also living your life for God. Not just being a hearer but a doer also as James says!
So much of this relationship with Christ has been altered today. People have altered it to just believing in God but still going back or staying in the same state of their worldly desires. That is not taking up your cross and following God like he says. If you follow God than you need to be willing yo become a disciple of his. It is sacrifice, love, desire and so much more. It is a journey a road you take that is never-ending. You are always learning and learning and oh learning.

So what does it really mean to be a Christ follower to you?
and
what would you say to those people that say "everyone has their own gods"? would you be as stumped on that as I am?

That is my blurb for now. I just needed to get that off my chest as I have been wondering and probing this for a while.

until next time.

-A

Hello there...

Summers just around the corner :)

So I have decided that Blogging is a sweet way of keeping in tough when you are crazy busy and so I want to try and dedicate to writing in this blog over the summer.

As I transition from Kaleo to Summer/Camp Qwanoes it's a big change to be made and I am getting super stoked to be head ski and wakeboard instructor for the summer :)! I am so happy to get to hang out with kids and teach them and love them ah so good! So what i've been up to the past few weeks, well Amelia and her parents were so kind to let me stay at there house and enjoy some great meals and relaxing time! I made chai a few times and fell in love with it! It is so delicious to make! If any of you ask me and I'm back in Ontario i'll def make it for you! So now I am just chilling at Jimbad's for a few days which has been also restful. I love the lay back time it is really needed. I have not been able to sleep in and just be lazy for a while lol So im loving it. Soon though i will have to get into the routine of waking up early :P 

So in just a few short weeks I will start my position as head wakeboard and ski instructor for the summer! As I said I am super stoked for this position and leadership role I am taking part in. I think it's going to be a good summer and i'm pumped for what is ahead. 

I have a question though...would anyone be willing to be on my prayer team for this summer? That would commit to praying for me this summer and the ministry that I will be in? That would be super duper awesome. If you would like to either leave me a comment or facebook me or email me :)  thankss!!

I know God has big plans for this summer and am so excited :)

Some prayer requests:

* That God would prepare me for this summer both my heart and body for early mornings

* That I would be able to speak into young kids lives and be a sweet leader for them

* That I would continually know that I cannot do things on my own strength but that I need to rely on him and fully surrender

Kaleo coming to an end...

Bitter sweet feeling...

I LOVE YOU KALEO SO MUCH!!!

I say bitter sweet because im sad that everyone is leaving and parting their seperate ways, but im excited for the new adventure and chapter of life and applying all the things this year of what I have learned to new things. 

So I sit here in awe, thinking WOW...8 months...how does it go by so so so fast? As i look back at the year I am amazed of what I did and what was accomplished. My heart has been changed and I have been ruined for the ordinary. ( i think i said that right lol). I want my life to be more than just living it. I want to live it to the fullest and persevere through everything, not on my own strength but God's for I cannot do it on my own. I would be foolish to think that I could. This year has been the most challenging and life changing year that I could have ever prayed for. When I came into this year that was my prayer to be challenged and changed. God defenatley heard me and made that happen. I have learned so much about what being a believer in Christ is and living my life for him. I always said that I believed in God before but my actions lacked numerous times. I have been challenged this year with what does it mean to actually believe and follow God? How is my life reflecting his love and overflowing grace. The verse that really helped me along this year is found in:

Psalms 23

¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

 ² He makes me lie down in green pastures, 

       he leads me beside quiet waters,

 ³ he restores my soul. 

       He guides me in paths of righteousness 

       for his name's sake.

 ⁴ Even though I walk 

       through the valley of the shadow of death, 

       I will fear no evil, 

       for you are with me; 

       your rod and your staff, 

       they comfort me.

 ⁵ You prepare a table before me 

       in the presence of my enemies. 

       You anoint my head with oil; 

       my cup overflows.

 ⁶ Surely goodness and love will follow me 

       all the days of my life, 

       and I will dwell in the house of the LORD 

       forever.

This verse has been my year. It has so much meaning behind it and it has been dear to my heart all year. Every time I need encouragement I turn to this verse and I feel God so much in this verse. God has been very evident this year with many circumstances that have went on. He promises us that no matter what he is with us in every thing. He will restore your soul and leads us onto his paths he has for us. It makes me wonder how people cannot believe in a God that is so great and so mighty. He is creator of all, he made this earth and the beautiful animals and all that is within. The bible talks about so many healings and has so many good stories in it. Lately when I have turned to read the bible, I randomly start reading something and each time the past week or so God has always led me to read the things that are on my heart that day and it is so evident that he knows my heart so well. Kaleo has been a year of being molded and transformed. The incredible people that I was surrounded with all year really impacted me and the support that came out of all of them is so crazy. I feel like everyone here is a huge big family to me! We all have went through so much together and experienced lots of incredible journeys through each person's story told. We have laughed, cried, talked, stayed up ALL night writing papers (which was insane but so much fun) and we have grown together as a community. 

Some of the things we have done together...

classes :P ; white water kayaking, surfing, sailing, snowboarding, skiing, hiked up a mountain and conqurreed! ; caving, we split up around the world to go to: Vancouver, India, NYC, horseshoeing, swimming, hockey, volleyball, monday night worships, Missions Fest, prayed

oh man the list could go on with all the little things we did as well...

It's is just crazy looking back and seeing how much we have experienced and done this year!!

Even though Kaleo that this is a farewell for now, I know one day I will see you all again. Tomorrow well technically today we graduate aaah! This was such an incredible chapter of my life this year and I know it was in God's plan that this is where I was suppose to be. 

lots on the mind...

INDIA 2009

I'm in the midst of all those little kids with a green toque on :) I just came back from India and it was definitely an incredible time. It is hard to sum up my experience in just writing it down. There are so many things that happened that I experienced that are so hard to put in words. mmmmm so WOW...so I don't even know where to start. India was incredible. SO many things that I saw shook my world. I am forever changed. My experience in India was an unforgettable one. I got to explore around in Delhi and we made our way northern as well. We took a long train ride. I will never forget that day. I stared out the train window for hours looking at the people and their living conditions and seeing so many people wandering around in India. I have never been exposed to such poverty ever in my life. My eyes were opened so big to how fortunate and lucky I am with the smallest things that I have. As I sat on that long train ride that day I had a lot of questions come to my mind and thoughts were running through my head. Thoughts of how ungrateful as a society and people we can be for what we have. Even myself I was guilty of knowing that is how i am sometimes. It is so easy to live and go by your day to day tasks not stopping and thinking of how lucky we are. To walk the streets in India can be a scary thing. There are so many cars and people all around, every where you look there is someone either on the ground or walking around aimlessly. I really learned that there is such a bigger world out there than I really think. There is so much going on and so much poverty that yes we see on t.v. but actually seeing it with your eyes is just unbelievable. My eyes were opened so much on this trip to see things that I had never saw before. It made me have lots of questions and thoughts in my mind. How can I help the poor is one of them? Us as Christians are called to help the poor :
Deuteronomy 15:11 says,
There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land.

What does this mean to you? How can you help the poor? We live such comfortable lives with the basic necessities we have. When i say comfortable I mean we have clean water, hot water, beds to sleep in. There are so many poor people around the world. What can we do? 

So many people in India as i walked the streets would smile when you smiled at them. The woman most times gave smiles back and I was so cheery to give kids smiles. But if you think about it, I come back to Canada and I walk the streets and I am not as cheery like that to people as I was in India. I am a cheery person but I don't walk the streets smiling at everyone. India gave me so many questions and challenged me in many ways. My heart was also wanting to give so much love to these children we met when we were hiking. They crave so much love and attention. In India we hiked for about 6 days and the view was just breathtaking! The mountains were gorgeous and there were fields of flowers in some areas as seen in this picture below: 

We slept in the villages in these huts and it was really cool experience. It is crazy to think even though I left these villages that there is still people that live there. They are very isolated in a lot of these villages. We brought some gifts for the kids and handed them out in each of the places we visited. The kids were so happy and grateful for what we brought. We also played games with them and it brought them such joy! Everyone one of the children we played with were so precious. 

It brought such joy when we got to play games with the children and hang out with them. 

I hope that this blog post gave you a little insight on how India was for me. My heart was transformed and my eyes were opened so wide. If you have any questions feel free to ask me! I'd be happy to talk with you! Thank you for reading everyone!

Here are some photo's i included from the trip :)

 Photo by:Eric Johnson

This is the cutest baby goat I have ever seen! It was only a few days old and a few of us got to hold it when we had a lunch break on our hike we met some people! If you are looking at my arm I did not get a tattoo lol. Well I did but its washable :P

Each time we ate on the hiking trip we had to wash our dishes. There would be helpers each meal and we would wash our dishes in buckets!

Our group that went to India...

SO I guess it was blue day? I didn't get the memo haha...actually alot of people randomly wore blue and it ended up being on the same day lol

The Mountains...

We were hiking through so much snow one day! This is on of the quick shots I took on our way hiking down out of the snow. It was so beautiful the snow and such a sunny day out :) We hiked about 11 km this day, it went by fairly fast and I was kind of feeling grumpy about all the snow we were going to hike in but it ended up being so much fun and a good time and soo soo soo BEAUTIFUL! Hopefully through some of these photos you can see the beauty!

Hiking through in the early morning!

The view was breathtaking, God's creation was incredible to be surrounded by!

 photo:me

Love Alivia :) 

It's been so long!!!

INDIA 2009

Im so sorry everyone for not posting in a LONG time! India came so fast and I found myself so busy! I am going to be writing this week about what has been going on lately in the life of Alivia :) India was incredible! It definitely chang

ed my life! It was a trip that really taught me a lot and I learned lots!

Love Alivia :) 

travelling LOTS.

13 days to INDIA!!!

I choose this picture because this is a picture from a previous year of some people going to India. This little girl without even knowing her looks so precious and in her eyes she wants to be loved. I am so so so excited to be going to India in such a short short time! I can't hardly wait to see the country! It will be an unforgettable experience!

wahoo!

My week! Wowzers! Defiantly a week of lots of homework and went snowboarding on monday and had a class and drank some Duceral to prevent gastro-intestinal bacteria when we are in India lol AND I also ventured around out west! I ventured out to Saskatchewan for an event called Youth Quake. It is a youth event at the college there which my school is affiliated with. It was a long trip to go on bus but we had a splendid but driver named Brenda that was so nice and made the ride very enjoyable. I sat up front with her a few times and chatted about life and she was a joy to chat with. It took us about 2 days to get to small town of Caronport, Saskatchewan! We arrived and I stayed with a wonderful girl Olivia and Sarah. When we first got there we grabbed dinner and than the opening skit was right away. They always have each year a skit to open up the weekend. It was really well played! We than had some free time afterwards to hangout and go to some events that were going on. We than had the first session of the night. THe speaker was Jared Herd and he was there last year as well when i was there. He was really good and he spoke about some key stuff I am and was going through. The bands were Red, Britt Nicole, Downhere and tripmeter. I was not familiar with them but they were all pretty decent!

I contemplated on sharing this on my blog but I feel as though it would be good to share it...maybe you have been in the same circumstance....

So all in all I had a good weekend but I learned a great lesson out of it which was bitterness can drive your life and Anger.I struggled a lot on the weekend. I went into the weekend feeling really mad and bitter and angry with life. There were no particular reasons but my heart was heavy and I did not feel well. I was holding back and not letting people know what was going on. I was keeping distant from the group of kaleo'ers and didn't want to let people in. I thought I could handle it on my own and get through the heavy feelings of anger and being bitter. On saturday night We had a session which Jared Herd spoke and than he had talked about getting all the things out of your life that are taking over and ruling it than should not be. It really made me think. This anger and bitterness is REALLY taking a toll on my life and that is not what I want. I had a heavy heart all weekend and than we sang a song after and as I was singing i felt the tears coming. I just could not hold back I needed to let go. My tears were of pain that I needed to let go and not let it rule my life. I totally and completely just broke down. The sining ended and people started leaving as I sat there with my head down trying to hide what I was feeling. I still was hesitant on letting people know what was going on. I finally lifted my head to these two girls sitting beside me that I know. I talked with them about what was going on and just explained what I was feeling and going through. I told them I didn't like speaking to people about it because I didn't want to put that on them or make them have that burden to carry. Not saying that I should be carrying it but it's hard for me to approach people and say that something is wrong. In times of me being angry or bitter growing up I did not know how to handle it. I was use to letting it build up and eat away at me. I kept it to myself my pain and now I need to realize and am realizing that is something I need to overcome and learn that  I have someone that is so much greater and loves me so much that can take that away and carry it for me....who is God. He hears my cry and has seen me and my hurts. He can take it away if I surrender it to him. It's not easy and it won't be but it's a work in progress.

26 "in your anger do not sin" do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. 27 And do not give the devil a foothold -Ephesians 4:26-27

31 get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ forgave you.-Ephesians 4:31-32

This is a story to be told and not kept in the dark. People need to know that Bitterness and Anger can rule your life and that there is someone who is so great that can take it away and there are people that can listen to you and that want to.

So that was my weekend lesson and I hope as you read it that you too learned something.

So yea I am learning lots lately and being challenged but in a good way. God is so good and I love him lots and am very excited for what's in store next. 

some prayer requests:

-to get all my homework done i have ALOT right now.

-to get my rest

-to keep on having motivation to prepare physically for India

-that i will learn what it means to surrender

-for peace in my heart

until next time

Love Liv